Yes I'm Back, Again, With more Ramblings from the Dark Side

Well it's been a while since I sat down to blog, partially due to laziness, and partially due to being busy. I can honestly say it's not laziness like I can't get anything done, it's laziness that I'm too tired to come up with coherent thoughts on what to say. So today's thoughts may be a bit randomized. (Yup, I totally made that word up)

I took my eldest to see Sesame Street Live the other day. We had tons of fun watching the characters sing, dance, and do amazing things. However, I learned that the people who put this show on must be rich.... I mean it cost $10.00 to buy my son an Elmo balloon that he had to have. However, at the end of the show, he forgot about it because I hid it under his seat. You'd think the damn thing was made out of gold or a fu#$@$@ antique. Nope, just a simple expensive balloon. Somethings that I choose no to buy though were the $15 Elmo light up toy that you could probably find at a dollar store, the $15 t-shirt that he will not wear because he's demanding the "truck shirt" for the 50th day in a row (daycare must think we own only one shirt these days), or the $5.00 nachos and cheese because let's face it, I'm dairy free so he better eat the same as me. After Sesame Street Live, we ventured to a new dimension...Chuck-E-Cheese. Wow, there were so many kids running wild there. You'd think they were raised by wolves. However, I ran down a completely innocent child just for stepping behind me. See, I tried to get a good picture of my child driving a car game and I had to step back about a foot, well a two foot tall child was obviously squeezing his tiny butt behind me to go somewhere and well the place he went was on the floor where I proceeded to step on him. Thank god he wasn't hurt and his parents weren't around or were too busy to come yell at me for my carelessness. I would've given them a piece of my mind too because the signage at the venue clearly state "Do not leave your kids unattended." This squished kiddo was obviously unattended. Whatever, he lived.

Elmo costs way tooooooo  much money........

Some other fun news is that El Porker Bambino is a freaking giant. Yes, a giant. The kid is well over 20 pounds and killing my back. I can't wait for the independent stage where he can walk all on his own and I won't have to pick his big butt up all the time. He's killing my back. In addition, you'd think he would be sleeping through this night as he is 2 weeks shy of turning 7 months old. Nope, the kid is nocturnal. He's  up all hours of the night and wants to nurse. I can't deny him that luxury either because he wakes up smiling and talking away. It would be like denying a soft furry puppy a pet on their back....it just doesn't happen so we continue nursing the nights away.

El Porker Bambino and I (squinting because my back hurts)

On a more serious note, I feel deeply saddened today for some former students of mine. Two kids that are dear to my heart, both lost a father within the past 3 weeks. I've been in that boat sadly before and my heart breaks for them. No one can understand the pain of loosing a parent as a child unless you have been in those shoes yourself. It's like loosing a role model, a best friend, a protector. While, I can't take their pain away, I can urge those of you reading this to hug your family tightly each day and let them know how much you love them. You never know when it will be your last day to get the opportunity to do so. You can never give those around you too much love.

Work, Work, All Day Long!

I'm back...........I've always wanted to say that in my best Chucky voice, but you can't hear me on this damn blog. Too bad, the impression was pretty creepy.
Anyways, what I meant is I'm back to writing. I had a few weepy days there because impending doom was upon me. I was returning to that place that provides me with a paycheck which I despise going to when I'd rather hug, kiss, and cuddle my munchkins. It's not so much that I dislike what I do for a living, but I love my kids more than I love my job. Any mother can understand that.
Well it's been quite interesting returning. I didn't realize how much what I did affected those around me. When I say those around me, I do not just mean those 5 feet and under (I teach 5th grade)-I mean the bigger kids-my peers. The most common comment I've heard as of late is " Wow, I can totally tell you are back because your kids are behaving much better." Well, that doesn't say anything for the job my intern did, but it does say a lot for my own personal expectations. I expect my kids to be on task, to learn, and to be their best at all times of the day. I am constantly eagle-eyeing them when they thing no one is looking. They can't play the "I didn't say that," or "I didn't do that" card with this mama because I see it all. Heck, I improved that skill when I birthed thing 2. See having 1 thing is hard, but having 2 is so difficult that you grow eight arms and 5 eyes. I'm not even kidding folks! I can see my child pick up an object so minuscule that it should be microscopic across a twenty foot room and haul @ss over there before it goes into his mouth. This skill definitely helps improve my watch on the students. They learn that I've got eyes in the back of my head so they best "check themselves before they wreck themselves."
Not only am I on top of my kids behaviors, but I'm trying my hardest to make sure they know I care. I was almost in tears yesterday when one of my five new students (yes I got five new students in three months) said and I quote, "Wow, Mrs. Ellis you truly care about all your kids, huh?" That made my day because this lovely child didn't know me from the dirt on her shoes, but my words and actions in five straight hours showed her who I am. I would not be who I am though if I didn't have the experiences I've had. Being a mom has truly made me a better teacher!!

Thing 1 laughing when he closes himself in the front door/storm door. Silly boy!

Another day, no Dollars

My little boys

Today I went into school to see my 5th grade classroom that I've been away from for the past three months. I immediately rearranged the seating chart, furniture, and tidied up areas that were a hot mess. Soon I sat down to figure out the upcoming lesson plans and where we are going curriculum wise. While it felt nice to return to preparation of doing what I love, it was also quite overwhelming. In addition, it was great to feel missed by staff, students, and teachers alike; but my heart hurts for the parting ways of my infant and I. I miss his daily coos and smiles, our staring sessions, and his cute pouty lip. In addition, he turned 13 weeks old today and is 3 months old tomorrow. My toddler is turning 21 months old on Friday. I'm almost morning their babyhoods. It seems like each day slips away like sand through an hour glass. One second I'm speaking nonsense at my children and the next second they are communicating back, running around, and bringing me pure joy. Yes, there are so many days when I am mad at the world, short-fused, and lacking tons of patience because my sleep is deprived, but  I would not change being a mommy to these two beautiful souls for anything else in the world.

Closer to no sleep

I've concluded that I learn new lessons daily on the joys of being a mother. Something I learned recently from my child's daycare is that if you wrap each dirty diaper in a bag-that it will cut down on the smell. There are small, powder-fresh, scented bags that cut down on the wretched smell of poop. If you and your significant other are smart enough to remember to use such bags, they will certainly make the odor in your child's room less rancid. So if you don't have them now, go out and by them by the thousands!!
Between yesterday and today, I've cleaned out my closet. This allowed me to find all the missing pairs to my shoes that had even the slightest heal that I could not wear while pregnant. Those were all hiding under my clothes that I have not been able to fit into for the past two years since conceiving and delivering my chunky monkeys. This left me kinda sad because I had some cute things that I would love to put back on, but sadly they would not fit over my darn muffin top or my rack. So today I had to go out in the midst of a monsoon and get a few shirts to wear to work. I felt better after getting home and realizing that now I can officially match for three whole days at work. Go me!

El Porker Bambino's First Day at School

Mommy and El Porker Bambino

So the world didn't stop, explode, or come to an end today when I took my wee little fellow to school with his older brother. He was calm going in and screaming going out! Actually he was a hot mess when he left today but I can attribute that to him having a bottle warmed and mom talking way too much. See I love the daycare that my children attend. I feel as though all the people that work there are great to talk and vent to and they always ask me all about my day. I can have had a rough day and somehow they make me feel all the much better. They are not only sweet to me, but they truly adore my children.

El Porker checking out one of his teachers

Today I made myself welcome in the infant room with my 15.4 pound porker. He did not shed one tear while I was there. In fact, he hung out, checked out all the ladies, did his thing and was very low key. I gave him 6 ounces of boob juice/soy formula, burped him a ton, and had him interacting with the ladies. It was nice that he was so comfortable and easy going. He even took a nap in his crib after googly eyeing his mobile for a few minutes and fading out to the nature sounds it produced as the animals chased each other in circles.  All-in-all he made me comfortable to leave him in the arms of the lovely ladies that will be giving him his daily dose of sugar.
Now onto a random quote and thought before I go to bed. This evening I was watching Honey Boo Boo and I had to laugh at a line she spewed about her new pet chicken-Nugget. She said "Nugget poops wherever she well pleases and so do I." I have to think that at this age she should be potty trained and not pooping everywhere like my kids who are under two still do. Guhhhhrrrrroooosss!!

When Good Things go Bad

I love baby products as much as the next mommy. They are great to keep the bambino calm, help him grow, and teach him many things. However, I do not like when they break or worse ruin things like my washing machine rim.


The purple washing machine eater

A few weeks ago, I washed my Bright Stars Tummy Mat that I have had since my toddler was an infant. He used to look so cute and little on it. Then came the El Porker Bambino, so I pulled out that same mat and he looked extremely adorable on it too. In fact, they would lay on it together and listen to the attached stuffed bee make fun noises and sing songs to them. It was like a bonding experience. That was until it went into the washing machine in one piece and emerged torn to shreds with it's purple outer edging left all over the rim of my washing machine. Yes that purple shi& ate the outer rim of my washing machine and it is still there to prove it.


The purple washing machine eater
Well you better believe I sent that company a nice email praising the mat that I used to own that very day. Well those jack @sses did not return said email even with the promise of a two business day response. So I gave them two weeks and decided to send them another email with a very negative tone. Guess what....they called me back in like ten minutes. After a conversation where the lady tried to explain to me that the mat was out of its one year warranty period, I got real with her. I explained what my washing machine now looked like and she changed her tune right away. She promised to send me out a new mat and that I should receive it within 5 business days. Well it's been 6 business days and I'm having an internal debate today....should I call like a steroid raging man or use a nicer approach? I WANT MY REPLACEMENT MAT!!!!

Shredded mat

Pay It Forward

I believe you should pay it forward everyday in any little way that you can. One way I like to pay it forward is with advice. So today this will be about my advice to others and things that I've done recently for others that have made me happy as well :)
Today's piece of advice is for new mommies. If you are a new mommy, you get so much unsolicited advice from people who know everything about anything. Well here is what I know that is actually helpful. If you are planning on having a second child ever.....then keep one of each size of diapers. This will help you know if you need to move up a size in diapers before you end up with massive poopslopsions up the @ss crack of your child and his or her clothes. It is much better to be prepared for the inevitable by avoiding this situation altogether, so if the diaper is getting a little snug, don't just try and finish that pack of diapers because you will regret it. Save them for your second monster.
I am thankful for the stranger who answered my Facebook ad for a size 3 diaper. She gave me two different kinds and we had a thirty minute conversation about how certain diapers smell very chemically so you can't tell if your child has taken a poop without the infamous sniff test. Well, personally, I don't like that smell nor do I like the sniff test. Her generosity though has helped me realize that I need to get a bigger size diaper now before my kid and his big butt explodes. Thank you stranger for helping me today!! :)
Another piece of advice is when your child has really horrible smelling dumps, you need to eliminate that odor as best you can. Even if you own an elite diaper container that promises to be the best out there, you will still have smell. To minimize that crap (ha ha no pun intended), try to tie the nasty, dirty, digusting diapers up in scented plastic bags before you shove them in the diaper container or your trashcan.
For my first pay it forward act,  I recently sent candy to a friend whose husband decided to throw out the rest of her Valentine's candy. Cardinal rule for husbands-never throw out anything without our permission. Just because something has been laying around for a long amount of time doesn't mean we don't need it. Chances are, we have just misplaced it and need you to point us in the right direction. After all, some of us are mothers and as a mother, we are busy doing five thousand things at one time. Therefore, help us find our shi@ and do not think you are helping by eliminating our messes.
My next pay it forward has been that I am donating my breast milk to a complete stranger.  My husband told me  I was absolutely not allowed to put out a classified ad on Craigslist because of all the nuts out there, so I found the next best medium....Facebook. Sounds strange, huh? Not really because my milk is like liquid gold. It can get a sick child better and keep another child from getting sick at the same time. It's also something that you can get for free if you keep hydrated and pump, pump, pump it up!! Well this liquid gold is hard for many to produce for various reasons...adoption, stress, lack of supply, etc. I've had no such hardships except that I produce a lot and when I began pumping for my El Porker Bambino, I was eating my favorite things....cheese and yogurt. Those were pretty much my staple foods to snack on. Well even though they were (and still are) my favorite things ever-they are my child's least favorite things (behind the Zantac he takes). See these yummy goodness items make him scream like a banshee. So in an effort to stop the madness,  I've got to get rid of the 78 ounces of breast milk that have been taking over my freezer for the past 2 and 1/2 months. Well what does one do with breast milk that can't be used.....put it on Facebook of course!
So those are my pay it forwards as of late. I can think of many more, but I'm going to go eat my humble pie now. I genuinely hope you can pay it forward too!

Moving out to Move on In

So yesterday I stopped to talk to the ladies in the infant room at the daycare. They are so excited to get my El Porker Bambino next week. In fact, they can not stop talking about how cute he is.....yup he is extremely cute. However, I'm hoping he stays cute to them because he can be quite the feisty one. When you stop feeding him to burp him, he turns into a demon child. He will scream and stand up on your lap and you'd think you tore off a limb. Sometimes when he is not able to get his gas out, he throws himself up into your shoulder like a line backer trying to tackle a player on the opposing team for a ball. The kid is like super human strong!! So with that being said, I had to get everything together for him to move out of my home and into the daycare (at least for the day time hours). Therefor I went shopping and I think I got everything I need for his staycation.....blankets, Mylicone drops for gas, bottle liners for his bottles, formula for supplementing, wipes, diapers, a nasal aspirator, an extra outfit, a crib mobile,a wedge for his reflex, and A & D ointment. The only thing I forgot was the tissues that daycare asks you to provide each month. I guess it will be back to the store I go before Monday so that he has the zillion things he needs to move on in.

Feed me, but it better not be dairy!!!

I got news of a person looking for supplemental breast milk yesterday, so I will be donating the 78 ounces of milk that Mr. Dairy Intolerant himself can not use. Better to donate it then let it go to waste. It was a chore to pump all the milk and it's almost sad to me that my baby can not have it. In reality, he could have it, but then I'd have to leave him at daycare for as long as they allow because he'd be a screaming machine. Even the tiniest bit of dairy causes him so much discomfort and that's just plain wrong to do to him. However, I miss the hel@ out of some cheese and yogurt. All I dream of nightly is pizza!! I've been going through withdrawals lately and can not wait to see how long he can't stomach dairy for. The day that he can function with it, will be a day that I feel as though I've won the lottery. I'll be screaming hallelujah from the rafters for all to hear!!

Living on a Prayer

Each day I am living on a prayer as Bon Jovi sang.  I'm praying that I can get El Porker Bambino to sleep through the night. He must really love his parents a ton because he wants to be up every hour or so to get mommy and daddy cuddles. Well I'm onto him and his antics. He doesn't truly need to see our fabulous faces at 1:00 AM, 2:00 AM, 3:00 AM, 4:00 AM, 5:00 AM, etc. What he needs is some f#$@ing beauty sleep as do I. While I like to carry black bags, I do not like to carry them under my eyes. It is now T minus two weeks till I return to that crazy thing called my job. I'm truly hoping I can function upon returning. A little bit more sleep would definitely help make that transition a more positive one.
On another note, I do not own a scale. I would  become so obsessed with trying to figure out my weight and the weight of my kids that it would probably just break. However, if I was to guesstimate the weight of El Porker Bambino, I'd say every bit of 15 pounds. This kid is so heavy that my back is killing me lately. I guess it is a good thing that I make big kids, but oh my word, they don't have to carry themselves around as I do. It's always cuddle, pick me up and hold me, put me on your lap, yada yada yada-lots of lifting. My arms are starting to get toned like Mike Tysons were before he went nutso and ate an ear.
Lately, my husband has been telling me that I've been extra sweet. I'm starting to wonder if I ever truly was  nice or if there is something that he wants. Usually compliments like that come with requests such as, do you mind if I go out on Friday? I'm just counting down the days till I can see if I win this bet with myself.

SNOW!!!

Wow, what a crazy weekend we had here at the beach. There was the usual marathon scheduled as well as a few mini marathons and Fun Runs....I did none of those as that would be crazy with two kids. However, I did plan to bring my toddler out to see fire engines, police cars, face painters, and a petting zoo on Saturday afternoon after I met with my long-term sub. Well it took longer than expected to find out all about my classroom blowing up with attitudes, lack of medicine, and meaness and how to have her combat that like Rocky before I return. Then as we finished up, the clouds became ominous and black like panthers. As I hopped into my car, I noticed that they were about to open up and open up they did. I drove home through a monsoon like storm only to be stuck inside yet again. It was going to be an afternoon of indoor fun like usual for my poor kiddos. the day went on and we hung out, stuck inside like prisoners to the weather, and made the best of it. Eventually though, it was time to put the kiddos to sleep and relax with the family as our time was coming to an end. Then we looked out to see night fall upon us. With night, came more rain and suddenly large snowflakes. The weather had predicted possible snow flurries with no accumulation. Well that was obviously as incorrect as they come because today I am hiding indoors as it is 27 degrees outside and the snow is still sitting in my yard. I really enjoyed playing in the snow while it was falling and then taking my toddler out to hear the crunch under his feet, but that was about it for me. After 10 minutes of running around like a mad man in a blanket of white, the poor kid was hacking up a lung and it was time to cart his behind inside. He wasn't having it though and threw a tantrum kicking and screaming. I hurdled through that tantrum like a running back taking the ball and being knocked down by big, burly, men running full speed at me. I tossed the kiddo like a football into my arms and ran into my goal-inside where the heat was turned up and the couches were so I could take off my thousands of warm layers. Next time, daddy will have to take him out to see it because simply put, bringing him in is heart-breaking.

Valentine's Day Rocks!

My new ring-it's got chocolate diamonds!! (or so the jeweler says)

So I walked into my bathroom this morning to find exactly what I asked my husband for for Valentine's Day-a chocolate and white diamond ring. I mean, I've popped out two kids in two years, I think I deserve a nice piece of jewelry for doing so! And I didn't even care that it was in the bathroom :)

I wasn't going to get my son anything for Valentine's Day because let's face it, he is almost 21 months old and he will not remember it at all. However, I got all fancy shmansky creative and my mind juices were flowing so he got some little things with awesome sayings. His bubbles say "You blow me away."  He has some more bath toys that are fish and squirt water that say "You are O-fish-ally a great kid." He received another hotwheels car-which he truly does not need, but I couldn't resist that says "I wheelie like you." Next he got a magnetic fishing game that says "You are a great catch." Finally he got Conversation Hearts as well as Sweetarts that say "I really like conversations with you and You are a sweetheart." I'm not even sure I should give the kiddo the candy to eat because he bounces off the wall enough as it is.

Riley's Valentine Gifts

The husband's Valentine gifts

Finally I got my husband a nice basket of gifts that include Animal Crackers that say "Even though life's  circus, I'm glad you are a part of it." Then there are some Swedish Fish that say "You o-fish-ally have my heart." Next are Reese's that say "You stole a piece of my heart." He also got some cashews that say "I'm nuts about you." There's a few more things, but I forget what they are, however, they are all shoved in a cute xoxo pink basket because we all know real men like pink!!
 

He also got a Tervis Tumbler for Coastal Carolina which is his alma matter and it has a few candy bars sticking out of it. I won't even eat his candy because I'm going strong on this dairy free stuff for the past month. This part of the gift is from his two boys.

Needless to say, he got some really crafty crap and I got my well-deserved ring!! Life is good today. Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!!!

What the flock?

I've worked very hard to make a nice basket filled with goodies and fun sayings for my hubby this year. Things such as  "You are o-fish-ally mine, I'm nuts about you, You stole a piece of my heart, I'm stuck on you, It's a joy being married to you, Life would be un-bearable without you." Yes, I'm a nice, sweet, sap like that. The boys also got daddy a nice Tervis Tumbler cup from his Alma Matter with some candy bars and a card. Then today he came home and he mentioned that he was going to go Valentine shopping after work today but was running late. Running late on getting me a gift is my thought? I'm going to be giving him the benefit of the doubt tomorrow and hope that means he is joking and trying to cover something up. Yup, I'm praying that's what he means because honestly, that's a little upsetting to me. I know life is busy with two kids and trying to keep our lives straight with these crazy kiddos, but for his sake, he best be kidding.
In other news, my colicky/refluxy infant today is my science experiment. I gave up dairy a month ago so as to calm him down and make our lives more bearable. He would have horrid episodes of colic where I'd want to jump off of the roof to avoid the loud wails. So I thought my diet needed a change and that would help. Well right after I made that change, he ended up with RSV and in the hospital for a few days. So, I went on with my life and continued the diet upon our release. It's been going pretty well ever since and we honest to goodness have thought we've seen a vast improvement. However, who is to say that he is not being that way because he's past the imaginary "4th trimester" spoken of in the book The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Knapp. Well, Mr. Knapp may have been onto something because today I experimented on his 11 week old @ss. I gave him milk that I had  pumped from when I was still eating dairy. Our day has gone quite well and we've had no crazy colicky incidents that are above and beyond the norm. It's been relatively calm around our household and that leads me to believe that I may be able to go back to eating things that I love like....pizza!!! Yummy!! If I get no gift tomorrow, I'm going out for some red wine and pizza solo!! Let's hope for the husband's sake that I get a gift though because I truly do not want to show him my crazy side with my mother and step-father here.

Row, row, row your laundy room

My maniac toddler

Let's start on a positive note!! This weekend with my children was amazing. We got out of the house and went to the park with all intentions of playing on the playground, swinging on some swings, and sliding on the slides. However, life intervened. When we all arrived, there was yellow "Crime Scene" tape closing off the playground so we choose not to disobey common rules that say do not cross and instead went to play by the beautiful crystal blue lake. We had our loaves of old, moldy, crusty bread and we casually broke it up to feed the ducks that surrounded us. My toddler was enjoying handing chunks to the one lonely duck that hovered near as though he was our dogs which he often rewards treats to. Soon, however, that one lonely duck found a few friends and they too were fighting for the bread with a flock of mean-@ss seagulls. The gulls were attacking the bread, the ducks, and I feared they would soon be attacking us with poop. So soon enough, we choose to move onto other activities.

Colic boy

We wandred aimlessly we around a beautiful grassy field and began blowing bubbles. This was obviously not very exciting for our toddler because he began to run off after the seagulls. He found joy chasing them all around the field and we laughed like hyenas as he could not catch them because he was not fast enough. This was utter joy to a 20 month old child. Eventually my other kiddo, the little colic boy began his screaming so I had to swoop him up into the Ergo and walk him around the park to calm him down. It was an utter achievement that he calmed and fell asleep against mommy's chest while his big brother ran around like a maniac.
Then today was Monday again and the rains came in with a vengence. The skies were gray and sad all day so I decided today we'd spend the day relaxing on the couch and perhaps watch a movie after the dishes were done, the floors were swept, and the laundry cleaned. Well we made it as far as the dishes and the laundry when all of a sudden it felt as though fish could swim through the back room. Literally there was a river flowing from the washing machine to the garage and then from the washing machine to the back exit door in our bathroom. Yup, the washing machine decided to explode. It exploded everywhere so I called my hubby in a panic. He told me to use the wet vac to get the water up and then use the towels to wipe the rest of the water away. I did as I was told and then tried to use the drain and spin cycle......to no avail. Once again the kingdom was flooded. Yup, I had to clean for a second time in one day. UGGGGGG! Nothing I hate more than cleaning the floors. Eventually, all was cleaned, the water left in the washing machine, and a call to GE placed so they can bless us tomorrow for a hundred dollar visit and tell me nothing is wrong. Yup, that's what happened the last time they came out for the exact same flooding issue. So tomorrow, I will sit and wait for the four hour time period they gave me for our visit and see what the hell they've got to say about the tsunami that occured today. Can we say that I'm not looking forward to spending four hours waiting for a service technician's beck and call. Perhaps I'll let my colic child bless him with his louder than life lungs while he attempts to solve the exploding washing machine issue. Uggggg....... Then later on in the day I've got a two hour window that I must wait for a carpet cleaning service to come on over and clean up any damage that the flowing water may have caused in our downstairs room. It's going to be a fun time!!

The washing machine explosion

Gray Day

Today I'm feeling rather like the weather....very drab, gray, and ready to drop some water. To put it in a nutshell, I'm a bit tired and down. I feel very unappreciated, but I am sure this is all in my mind. My house would not function without me. My children would not eat without me. My husband would not have anytime to do nothing without me. That's right, I know that I am needed, just not always appreciated though. That's okay, I don't fight a hand for a hand. I'm not one to hold grudges. I like to kill with kindness because you get more with honey than you do with lemons. In fact, I found someone willing to help me and watch my students at lunch two days a week when I return so I can pump. I also found another person willing to teach writing and yet another willing to teach science for me so I can pump. Needless to say, I am so ecstatic that I have three seperate people who are willing to make my life a little easier when I return to school. I'm already worried about my supply taking a nose dive as I will be going at the least 6 1/2 hours in between feeding and pumping, but I will manage. I will manage because I have to. My child depends on me and only I can provide him with what he needs. His dad can not, his brother can not, his furry brother and sister also can not. It's a job that only belongs to one....this mama.

De Quervain's Tenosunovitis

De Quervain's Tenosunovitis is the name of the pain I've my experienced for over a year. I began having this sharp pain in my left wrist when my toddler was about 8 months old. His chubbiness did not help and bearing his weight has been a bit painful. Then all of a sudden, bam.....I'm preggers again and there was no more me time to figure out the root of the problem. So I've sucked this up for so long. Well this week, the pain has become just about unmanageable. It was time for a change so off to the hand doctor I went. It took him 30 seconds to diagnose me with this inflammation in the tendon and provide me with a nonsurgical treatment...an excruciatingly painful needle straight into my tendon. I felt the flow of bad words protruding from my mouth as I wiggled in pain. The doctor even asked me if I was going to be okay. Sure, easy question as you are the one administering the awful needle. Then it was over. Hopefully the steroid shot helps the pain subside, but it will hurt worse before it improves. If there is no improvement in a few weeks, then surgery will be the answer. However, this mommy doesn't get time off of mommyhood, so I'm wondering how I can possibly diaper a child with just one hand? Hmmmmmm......can mommies have days off if their limbs don't function?
In other news, my toddler threw a tsunami size tantrum this morning. He woke up happy and I got him ready for his day. Then we sat down at the table with a poptart and a banana for him and toast with non-dairy butter for me. He decided to invade my toast and helped himself to half a slice. After breakfast, our happy times can to a quick halt. As I got his shoes onto his feet, he exploded in a ball of sadness. The tears were shed and he was obviously heart-broken as he went to the back window to look for his daddy. His daddy though had to get to the office early this morning to retrieve his phone. So I picked him up in a big bear hold and carted him off to daycare. He screamed the entire time and continued wailing as we entered his classroom. The children of the corn then proceeded to bring him lots of fun toys....a phone, a truck, a purse......He wasn't interested. His loving teacher had to pry him from my arms and believe me he was attached with imaginary superglue. Then off I went to get my fun diagnosis.
Now I'm sitting here, missing my baby. Another thing that is missing in this household is my dog's friends below his belt. Yesterday he was neutered. I know ten years of an attachment to anything is hard to break apart. Well he is no longer attached to his sack. They are shriveled or so that's what I think as his skin hangs loosely under his butt. Maybe now though, we won't have to tell him not to lick as it just isn't a very attractive trait to have. Although, I'm  sure most men would be jealous of the dog's ability to reach down below........................

Banks when he still had his little friends down below

Getting Sh#$ Done

So I'm feeling quite productive today. I just created what felt like a thousand Valentine's Day cards for my toddler's classmates at daycare...only to find out that there is only 4 girls and 5 boys. Well hel@ I thought there were like a million of them as when I walk in each day, it's like children of the corn attacking me. It's true, they swarm like the locusts in the good old movie The Exorcist. In fact, I often find myself cringing as they touch me because he always comes home with some lovely cooties to share with the family. Who said kids don't share?
Well I got my lovely Valentine's Day ideas over Pinterest so I did not spend my day stalking people on Facebook. I found some lovely templates for both the boys and the girls. His little friends that are boys are getting ones that have a bug attached and say "Happy Valentine's Day Love Bug," and the little girls are getting ones that have Sweetarts and Sweethearts that say "You make my heart dance Gangham Style." I love how corny I've become as I've been blessed in mommyhood. I do, however, have to say that I had lots of fun trying to figure out which ones to make. I always remember getting crappy Valentine's cards that my friends bought at the store with things like Hello Kitty, Kermit the Frog, New Kids on the Block (yes I'm that old) on them and what did I do with them? Well I threw those dumb Valentines in the trashcan because who needs a thousand pieces of paper when you aren't old enough to use a lighter and fluid to start a bonfire?

Valentine's Crafts-Happy Valentine's Day Love Bug and You make my heart dance Gangham Style
 

Call me Janet Jackson!

Yes, that is a heart covering up my exposed boob. I was getting a few cute pictures with my son in before we ventured out to celebrate my thirty-third birthday without the kiddos and he decided he liked my shirt. He liked it so much, he pulled it down. Got to love my toddler. In fact, he can also identify what was under the said shirt. That's right, the word of the week is....boob. My husband has repeatedly told me that I should be referring to them as breasts not boobs, but they are exposed a lot as I am breast-feeding and pumping constantly to fatten up my baby. When they are out, "No, no, don't touch mommy's boob," sounds so much better than "No, no don't touch mommy's breast." Breast just sounds a bit to snobby for me to say to a little boy. So there you have it, our wonderful vocabulary is now expanding. I wonder which fun words he will pick up next.

My boob hurts

My boob hurts. I feel like today has been a day where I've said this constantly. It might have something to do with the fact that El Porker Bambino slept for almost six hours straight last night. Was it a fluke, was it a miracle? This is yet to be determined.
However, with that being said, I would've loved to get those six hours of sleep straight like my kiddo did, but there was a crazy wind storm that past through almost the entire east coast of the US last night. We were not only blessed by the lovely freight-train sounding wind, but by the sideways rain. In fact, I awoke to said rain on my face. Why do you ask, because my husband wanted to sleep and hear the storm. In fact, I even asked him if the storm would make the rain come in our window in the middle of the night and his exact response was "Only if it came in sideways." Well the f#%@ing rain did indeed come in sideways. Raindrops were falling on my sleep parade. Not to mention after I woke up startled to the room leaking and slammed shut the window, I was kept up for a bit longer by the snoring husband who fell right back to sleep.
Fast forward about two and a half hours later, my lovely husband was making his nightly bathroom trip to the bathroom (which he's been a frequent flyer in as of late-think stomach bug plus lots of dairy) and this woke me up. At this moment, I thought for sure my boobs were going to explode and that the kid had died. I know, that is such an awful thought, but being a mom that wakes constantly to this porker, I fully expected that he would've woke me up already by this point. Rock hard breasts are not something that are fun to wake up to. So I praised the lord that the kid was asleep still and did what any rational person would do at a quarter to three in the morning, I emptied my boobsicle mountains. Wouldn't you know about 7 ounces in (and I probably had about 12 ounces in these peaks), the kiddo awoke. Not only did he awake, but he awoke with his normal goat like pleas that I let him out to graze at mama's mountains. So after a quick change of a 10 pound pee-filled diaper, I nursed him and he did what any baby that just slept six hours straight would do. He started a party. You know, one those where you feel like "Let's party, it's 3:00 AM and the club is just getting hot!!" Yuppers, he did this till the wee hours of the morning where I put the chunker in bed next to me with a boob in his mouth to quiet him down. This worked and he fell asleep. As soon as I noticed his "daddy-like" snores, it was off to the pack-and-play the kiddo went and mommy went back to sleep. So my night, like normal was interrupted by everyone including the weather, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

No joke

It just took me four times to log in and create this new blog post...why do you ask? Well I'm having mommy brain. Lack of sleep plus a stomach bug running rampant through the household has left me utterly brain dead. It's a wonder I could even remember that today is my birthday. Yup, 33 years young. And how may you ask am I celebrating? Well I'm not celebrating....today because it's crap outside. The sky may be falling down soon as Chicken Little would say. However, tomorrow, I fully intend to escape from the confines of my living room, drag my @ss off the couch, and get my toenails painted by someone other than myself (even though I can reach them as I no longer have a baby bump) and get my forest filled eyebrows waxed. Yup, I'm torturing myself for my birthday. Hey, better that I torture myself than anyone else, right?
Well yesterday was a fun day of taking the kiddos to the doctor's office. They both managed to make it in and out alive and didn't scream too much. There we learned that The El Porker Bambino is a whopping 13 pounds 1 ounce and the toddler is 26 pounds. It's funny because at 2 months old, my toddler weighed 14 pounds himself. I wonder if the RSV truly slowed down El Porker Bambino's weight gain because of the lack of eating due to congestion. Could he have beaten the set record and have been an even bigger chunk than his older brother? Well I guess we will never know and I'm not one to compare kiddos.
Today my mind keeps wondering to my boobs. Earlier I read about a high school student who was soon to return to school and her school would not accommodate her desire to breastfeed her child. They had every excuse under the sun about how other students would pick on her, the nurse's refrigerator was for medicine, the pump would be too loud, blah, blah, and blah some more. It made me think back to the first time I informed my employer about my desires to breastfeed. My concocted plan involved me leaving my inclusion classroom while the special education teacher was in there for 15 minutes of spelling instruction. (Yes, we still teach spelling even if there is spell check). My principal informed me that that was not going to happen. Her reasoning was that "We needed to do what was best for our students." I thought that the teacher should be comfortable or we would not be able to deliver instruction that was best for our students. She in turn called the school board's lawyer and their plan was that I would pump during my planning period. Well back then, planning was at 1:40 PM. Could you imagine that I would feed or pump at 5:30 AM and then go till 1:40 PM and be able to fully function with Dolly Partin sized boobsicles? Uhmmmm, heck no. So she agreed that I could start at my first proposed time period and they would have someone watch my students for a fifteen minute later increment each day till I was comfortable pumping at 1:40PM. Can we say I fought that and threatened to quit and talk to the media about how unaccommodating that idea was? It was then that I sent out a mass email to my fellow employees to see if someone could come be in my classroom for that 15 minute block of time and teach spelling for me. Yup, there you have it, teach spelling. Now you know that there need not be two teachers in there for a 15 minute block of spelling, but if I was allowed to be out of my classroom, then that was what I was going to do. I received many nice responses from fellow teachers and was truly blessed with the ability to pump in another teacher's office and she would be in my classroom. The reason for that story is, I'm going back to work in 33 days and I'm so not looking forward to another fight. Breast is best and in education, we have so many cutbacks in budget that there are not many assistants or helpers to share the education and relieve an engorged mama from her duty for a whole 15 minutes. Now is the time, that I need to start formulating a plan. I'm going back to school with an earlier planning period of 12:55 and even lunch is at 12:10 PM, so I can probably pump then. However, I need to find someone to cover for me and watch my class as that is obviously my responsibility. Like I said, I'm not looking forward to this. In addition, many things like meetings, planning sessions, informational meetings, and professional development sessions often occur during our 40 minute planning block. I'm not looking forward to the response that I will get when I let people know that I will constantly be late for such because of my pumping plans. What is often sad is that we women take on so much responsibility to do what is right for our children and this causes distress in the work place. When my mind ventures to this, it makes me wish that I lived in Canada where mothers get a year of paid maternity leave. Here, we get twelve weeks and it is unpaid (unless you have sick/personal days accrued-who the heck has those accrued when you have kids??). So if you are a mom or going to be a mom, start planning for your new home in the cold northern regions!! :)

Down and Out

So the weekend with a pukey toddler was rough, but it seemed to continue on and throughout the entire household. Sunday night, my husband awoke to puking his brains out and last night it was my turn for the Great Pukesplosion. My mother got it yet today and the kiddo continued with it last night. We've done countless loads of laundry to wash all the towels that have cleaned up the mess. In addition, my Porker Bambino projectile puked on me. I can say that this stomach bug has really had us all under the weather. Tomorrow is my birthday and I am really hoping that we all get well because that would be the best present in the whole entire world!!
At this very moment, my mother is laying on the couch with El Poker Bambino. He's been sleeping on my mom for about two hours now. He seems so peaceful and content as she does too. I hate to move him to get some food in my mom, but she's probably in need of food as all we've eaten and kept down was white rice. The doctor suggested bananas and white rice be our staple diet. Such delicious food, huh? NOT!! Instead, we've got chicken noodle soup cooking away in the crock pot and boy we can not wait to scarf it down.
Well I truly hope that all this sleep doesn't lead the porker to staying awake all night. I really hope he's just feeling tired like the rest of us and that he can shake the stomach bug too by utilizing mama's milk. Maybe we should all start drinking the boob juice too?

Pukesplosions anyone?

A friend recently posted that she would love it if mothers could get a day off. Unfortunately that is just never going to happen for us, but it does for our husbands.
My weekend was going great, until the Great Pukesplosion Incident of 2013. It was just five hours before my own mother was set to visit. She was flying in on a jet plane to see her beautiful El Poker Bambino and Loving Toddler Boy. It's a good thing, she had planned this visit, because this mama was an unsuspecting naive one who thought life was perfect until it flipped upside down in an instant.
The dear husband had been off doing business and I was stranded at home quarantined with the recuperating bambino and wild toddler. We had exhausted ourselves playing cars, throwing a plastic ball, and running in circles around the coffee table, so we settled down to read a book together. We were surrounded by the two whiny fur babies who were dying of thirst and starvation as well as demanding to be taken out to use the restroom for the fifty thousandth time that day. Then out of nowhere, the toddler began dry heaving. Suddenly, he was a geyser erupting with the powerful force of pukesplosions. Not one eruption, not two eruptions, but three large eruptions of mixed veggies that had been lunch were now tossed across his beige bedroom carpet floor. Hurriedly the annoying dogs jumped into action. The tongues came out and ate that nastiness up. Now, normally, I'd yell at them for licking anyone or anything because it truly grosses me out. This time though, I let them lick that sh#% up because I can not stand puke. Literally it tosses me over the edge of a mountain where I loose all footing and plummet to my own demise. However, today I let it be as I simply could not handle the stench of digested green beans, lima beans, corn, carrots, and potatoes. Simply put, coming back up the pipes of a child was a rotten aroma so significant it could've made a grown person cry and cry I wanted to do.
Off we raced to the bathroom where I promptly ran a bath as the Great Pukesplosion incident carried on. Again, the toddler was puking on the lovely lime green bath rug. Now I needed to get the infant elevated off the ground level of the bathroom so as to not be placed in the puddle of puke. I raced with lightning speed to grab the vibrating bouncy seat. If I could run the bath and get the toddler cleaned with my arms, then I could bounce the baby with my legs at the same time and keep him calm. That sounded like a great plan, but unfortunately, it did not work at all. The decibel levels in the bathroom reached higher than the stars in the sky as astronauts could hear the wails of the infant as the toddler sat in complete disbelief over his sad sad luck. We made the best of it though and survived. Finally we emerged with a whole new attire and found our way to the kitchen. There we placed the bouncy seat with with the infant on top of our hideous dining room table and grabbed some water and goldfish together to get some things back into my baby boy's belly. At first, he was hesitant to take any food or drink, but gradually he began. Just as soon as this occurred, he exploded again....this time all over me. While the dogs happily cleaned up his room and the bathroom floor, there was no way in hel@ that I was letting them lick my chest and bosom because of course the kid puked right down my shirt.
Quickly, I whisked the kiddo away with me to my own bathroom. I closed the door to drown out the sad wailing still coming from the infant who was safely on top of the table tied into his bouncy seat and I took a lightning quick shower and changed into some better smelling clothes. I then proceeded to strip down my toddler and get him changed for a second time. Finally, the husband magically appeared and off I passed pukey boy to him. Within one minute's time, he had erupted again,this time on my husband and not on me. I was finally thankful for something. Had he been here earlier to help me, I wouldn't have wished the puke on him, but as it stood, I was bitter that I  had to suffer through puke by myself for over an hour. Eventually my husband cuddled him on the couch and I managed to get in a shower. After all, I needed to smell clean to welcome my mommy into town.
I drove to the airport thankful to pick her up. Her presence is always a blessing as she cleans more than anyone I know and can keep a toddler entertained for hours. As she landed and I picked her up we chatted about the Great Pukesplosion of the night. She was unaware that the next day, she was in store for some more.
She arose with the roosters just before dawn as usual. Without fail, the toddler arose a short time later. My mother then greeted him with her lovely presence and proceeded to give him some milk. He now had a present in store for her. It was within minutes, that she received the gift of a Pukesplosion geyser as well. She hurriedly entered the bedroom where my husband and I were recuperating from the joys of being up all through the night with an infant to ask our advise. We sent her back into the pit of terror with a new pajama set for the wee one and instructions on to give him water and a banana. She did as was told and we soon dragged our tired selves out of bed to join the party. It was not more than five minutes after our arrival into the stinky-cheese smelling living room that the toddler was bouncing across the dark, brown, microfiber couch with a smile on his face. He was delighted mommy and daddy and baby brother were joining his party. He bounced like Tigger over to one end of the couch, all color drained from his face, stopped dead in his tracks, and proceeded to explode all over the poor couch. Oy Vey!!! My husband spent the next twenty minutes cleaning while I calmed he down and soon he was off to feeling a bit better. There were no more contents in his little belly to explode, so he was put on a strict diet of applesauce, toast, water, and bananas to bind him for the early morning. He made it a few more hours without puking and we thought for sure we were in the clear. Finally the day came to an end and we all called it a night.
About midnight, trouble was brewing. It came in the form of a violent race from our bed to the porcelain god. My husband was now worshipping the toilet. They became close friends and hugged throughout the night. My only help was a bottle of water, a cold wet rag, and a stern talking to about not working in the morning. He eventually fell asleep too. He awoke the next day to meeting with someone to deliver work paperwork and has been in bed the entire rest of the day.

The Pukesplosion subsides

While he's had his day off, I've been Lysoling and bleaching every surface and toy within the confines of our lovely home. I'd hate to be blessed with this tummy bug too. And that my friend's is how husbands get sick days and mothers do not.

RSV can kiss my @SS!

So if it felt like this mama dropped off the face of the Earth, well, I kind of  did. It had been a rough weekend. First on Friday, my husband swiped our computer and took it to work with him. The result = no blog fun! Then the weekend is reserved for family and I, so no more blog fun. Then later on during the weekend and Monday and Tuesday were long, grueling, days and nights.....
What started off as some simple congestion, a little fussiness, severe stinky gassiness for El Bambino took a turn on a high speed roller coaster that this mom can only describe as dancing with the devil down below.
Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were all rough evenings. The kiddo was very irritable and let this mama know it. So as usual, he was rocked, shhhhhhhhed, coddled, talked to, etc. just to get him to turn down the decibels of his ear piercing wails. It worked intermittently and he would give us a break and eventually gave into slumber on mama's milk jugs. Yup, he slept sitting up on my chest for a bit. Then he was wide-awake again and ended up sleeping on his belly across my chest on top of the Boppy Pillow. Boy, was that a mistake. He enjoyed it, but I got the short end of the stick with his comfortable position. The chunker passed gas casually throughout the night into the wee hours of the morning. I felt the need for a gas-mask just to contain breathing in that rancid odor. However, as stinky-cheese like that it was, he was my offspring, so I suffered on.
Then Monday morning rolled around, and I was off to the pediatrician. I was hoping for some kind of illness or virus that could be cured or explained. Instead what I got was, he's got a virus that just needs to run it's course. $65.00 and two hours later,  we went home and sat all day staring at each other through tears (both of ours) and boogers (his). It was a rough one. Picking up the toddler later that evening was also a time of frustration. As much as I wanted to play with him, I needed to soothe the El Poker Stinky Bambino so that he could get well soon. So the toddler did what the infant had done all day long. He threw a fit to end all fits. The fireworks of tears shed across the house as he threw himself on the floor screaming bloody murder. My ears were ringing and I was in dire need of a shower, which never came. When the husband made it home from work, I choose to have some vino instead of a shower, because after my day, I deserved a whole bottle. No kids were harmed and they all survived to live another day.
Fast forward now to Monday evening. All was well in the household, dinner had come and gone, and El Stinky Poker Bambino had just awoken from a long afternoon nap.  He happily joined his loving brother for a bath time session. We made it through bath time unscathed and decided to settle on the couch with El Stinker Poker Bambino, some vino, and a movie. It was apparent after a fourth of a glass of vino that the child was not into the movie. Maybe it was the awkward English accents, the subtitles, the setting, who knows, no one but he knew and he just wasn't cooperating. So, off to the bedroom we stormed to get him in the mood for a peaceful slumber and his drift into Sleepyland. Little did I know, that he was about to be a wild tornado causing havoc on one's ears for the next  eight or so hours. He was wide awake and screaming a high-pitched scream that could shatter glass as we entered the peaceful sanctuary of our bedroom. No amount of bopping, shhhhhing, rocking, coddling, etc was going to get this kiddo back on track. He was a derailed train heading for mama's demise. Eventually he gave in for a few minutes and woke up again like a meteor heading straight for my brain. The demon was arising and he wasn't settling for just a bit of crying and screaming. Oh no, he was screaming continuously, he was no longer latching to eat, would not take a bottle, and could not control himself. By 3:00 AM, I'd officially been ready to throw in the towel, wave the white flag, surrender as a looser.....the husband was awoken. My tears were flowing like a river as I was so upset trying to dance with this devil. Nothing worked to calm him and I was the one who now needed calming. I could not take it anymore, I needed peace and quiet for ten minutes and that's exactly what I expected to get as I handed the child off like a touchdown pass to a wide receiver. Touchdown, mama was headed for the living room to catch my breath and get some relief. It did not come though, as I could hear the child wailing across the household. There was nowhere to run to get relief so I lowered my head and returned in a panic state back to the room. I begged my husband to pull something out of a hat.....anything.....a white kitten, a turtle dove, a puppy, some sh#% needed to be done to get baby to bed. Eventually-like an hour later.....the baby whisperer (AKA my husband) had the kid calmed down enough that he gave into DJ Sleep for another 2 hours. However, when he awoke again with the husband's alarm, I knew that I was in for it. In fact, I even offered to trade the husband's job (which I truly have no idea how to do) for a golden day off of work where he would watch our demon-spawn. For obvious reasons, he declined, and took our toddler to daycare and I was left in a state of  h e - double hockey sticks. Now the baby had what I liked to refer to as labor breathing.....when a mama has a natural birth, they go to Lamaze classes and learn to breathe through contractions. It seemed as though he was making those Lamaze sounding breaths, except he could barely get them to get air into his itty bitty lungs. They were involuntarily unlike the ones a mama produces to eliminate her pain. There was definitely something wrong. I started to wonder if all my bopping caused the baby to develop Shaken Baby Syndrome. Had I hurt my own child? Well the river of tears now became an ocean as I was scared this was somehow a fault of my own. This mama bear was taking her cub back to the pediatrician for answers. So I bundled up the screaming child (who no longer had much of a voice) and off we went to the pediatrician for the second day in a row. We sat for no more than 15 minutes and were welcomed with somber looks and pity stares of all in the office. Little did they know, the kid had just fallen asleep, and they had seen nothing of the show he had previously put on. The office assistant took my $65.00 again with a sad look in her eyes as she knew that I had just coughed up the same amount the morning previous. I cautiously joked that it was for the funding to buy me bedroom furniture so I could sleep over as often as I come in there. Then, my favorite nurse, ushered us back. We went through the symptoms, weighing the porker again, measuring him, and were placed into a tiny room decorated with fish. The pediatrician came in a short time later, stuck a swab up the kid's nose, and soon we were being diagnosed with RSV. This was Respiratory Syncital Virus. It was no joke for infants as it causes an infection in the lungs and the breathing passages. This makes them appear to have a common virus to the untrained eye, but when you put them through an x-ray you can see how inflamed their lungs truly are. It can be extremely harmful if left untreated as it can lead to dehydration and even worse pneumonia and death. The pediatrician wasn't taking any chances and sent us to the hospital to be admitted for 24-48 hours-it turned into just that three days and two nights in a tiny room. Just the porker and I, as well as his IV that was attached to his right foot, his oxygen sensor to his left, and a butt revealing hospital gown.


Breathing Treatments are tiring

Mama's little trooper

As we arrived, we were taken in a circle to get to our room. This was precautionary as the volunteer was avoiding the labor and delivery section of the hospital. We didn't want to share this illness with newborns. Eventually we made it to room 280 on the pediatric floor.  By this time, my head was pounding from lack of food and I was exhausted beyond belief. There was no time to eat as we were overwhelmed with nurses and respiratory therapists galore. The fun was just beginning. We were given the IV, the oxygen sensor was attached, a breathing treatment administered, vitals taken, and lunch was delivered sometime in between this all. My heart was aching, my head pounding, and my legs shaking, but somehow we made it through the day. Constant interruptions to our peaceful time together were made as the IV would beep like a car horn or a nurse would need a vital, etc. The time dragged on through the night as well as all the normal hospital visitors who were here to heal my stinky boy. They came and went with a smile, were talked too and cooed at by my little dude, and really sent the gray clouds away. Soon the worst was over as the bambino was now eating again. At first it was from the bottle and then eventually he could latch as well. It seems the storm was slowly making its way off our coasts and we were headed for sunshine and birds tweeting. Although, he showed significant improvements that first night and into the next day, the pediatrician wanted us to stay for another night to continue his breathing treatments and IV fluids. Hastily, we agreed and luckily were visited by a few friends later on that day. They were sweet enough to bring this mama some new socks as I'd been wearing the ones I came in with for two days now....ick......we were making our way to 100% oxygen levels and smooth sailing. Well it was smooth except for the often spit ups that were filled with pleghm. Congestion and phlegm do funny things to those with RSV.

Indeed we were eventually released and made it home. Baby napped which allowed this mama to take a shower for the first time in three days-gross, I know, but I was stuck to my infant's side and not leaving him for more than two minutes to use a restroom. As I sit here now writing this, I can tell you, that I'm glad I trusted my gut. I'm relieved that my mama radar was ringing enough to take my child back to the pediatrician two days in a row. I'm scared almost to wonder had I not been so persistent, could this illness have progressed to something worse than the phlegmy, gooey, poopy diapers that I've been changing all morning?

Moving into the Doctor's Office

Yesterday was all about me!! I woke up and decided that I'm going dairy free. I went online and looked up lots of interesting articles on how this can help a colicky/reflux baby. So, with my husbands help, we loaded up El porker bambino and the big kiddo and went to Kroger in search of dairy-free food and ideas. It was there that I found some vegan cheese, fake butter, and many more interesting products to start this three week journey. I was completely excited about this too, that is until....I had to take El porker bambino to the pediatrician this morning and he looked at me sceptically. He mentioned that most kids will be extremely gassy and fussy till four months. However, the man has no breasts and has not personally breastfed a child, so what does he know? Well he only knows what a man can know, which is not going to stop my newest diet idea.

Anyways, yesterday, I got out of the house without my children, got my hair done, and did a bit of shopping. It was exhilarating, yet terrifying to leave my husband with both kids. It's not that he isn't capable, he certainly is capable, it's just well he's a guy. Guys do one thing at a time and us women, we do ten things at a time to get stuff done.

 

I really enjoyed myself until I noticed that it was after 5 PM and I was going to turn into a pumpkin if I didn't get home soon. So I checked my phone to let my hubby know I was on the way when I noticed one of those crappy texts you wished you hadn't received. My porker was running a 101 degree fever :( Boo-so I raced home faster than a speeding bullet to promptly put my boob juice into his needy little immune system. I truly believe this is the cure all to baby ailments. I nursed him constantly through the night and he slept on my chest with snot dripping all over me. It must be love when your kiddo's boogers are like precious nuggets of gold. Well we woke up and took up our daily residence at the pediatrician's office only to be told he will live. It's just viral. Another cruddy infection for my poor wee one. Oh well, I'm happy it's nothing serious and that he will be fixed soon. Gotta love the amount of money that the pediatrician has made off of my family in the  past three weeks. We've been there four times between two kids and we are set to go back on the 29th. Oh well, at least they know to set up a cot for me and know me and my family by our names. That's love, huh?


My new haircut and my sick El porker bambino

I'm Going Out Without Kids!!

Okay, I've been working so hard to keep the house semi-clean, cook dinner, and keep my two kids alive, that I've decided I deserve some birthday fun. Well let me back up a bit on that.....it all started with a birthday lunch for a dear friend. We went out for delicious Thai food and I ordered something I can't begin to pronounce, but it was made with green onions, mushrooms, bean sprouts, baby corn, cabbage, chicken, and crystal noodles. I salivated as I ate every last bite. Then I consumed two fabulous birthday cupcakes and I was extremely sated for a bit. As we payed our bills, and said our goodbyes, the discussion of birthday outings was brought up. Manicures and pedicures were suggested and I of course, have got to oblige my girlfriends. Therefore, I will officially be leaving both children, yes you heard me right, BOTH CHILDREN, home with their father on Sunday at 1:00 PM.
Now I expect my oldest kiddo to be napping till about 1:30, but who knows with El Poker Bambino. This big kid's nap schedule is so random. Schedule? Who has a schedule with a seven week old? I'm not good at schedules for my kids until I have a schedule for myself. Right now, I'm on maternity leave, so I've been a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kinda gal. Last minute lunches, photo shoots, or outings, that's ME!!
 Now in another month and a half when I return to the chaos of school, I will become more scheduled again as I've got no choice but to rise with the roosters so I can get to school before the sun rises and make it home before the sun sets-so be the life of an educator. I hope by that return, they don't allow teachers to bring guns to school either because I'd be scared to piss off a fellow educator and wind up a 187.

El Porker Bambino's 1st photoshoot

About to jump

Today is a rough day as my big boy was sent home from daycare with a fever yesterday. This always means twenty-four hours (at least) hiatus from school for him as he gets rid of whatever cooties he's got. The cootie culprit this time happens to be (drum roll please).....an ear infection. The resolution to our conundrum-Amoxicillin. Now if you have ever had Amoxicillin, you would know that it's this dreamy, strawberry-flavored, yumminess. That's to the normal kiddo or person, but my child is far from normal. He's not one to take medicine easily. In fact, as a tiny bambino until about 14 months, he was an amazingly happy kiddo who would be happy to take any kind of tasty medicine you shoved down his throat. Nowadays though, he is a raging bull, an octopus with flailing tentacles, a rabid dog out for the kill (well maybe not a kill)......he's utterly cray cray when it comes time for medicine.
In the past twenty-four hours, I've tried putting it in apple sauce, chocolate milk, water, Gatorade, pudding, and the worst was in his mouth. Okay, well maybe the mouth part was both my big handsome hubby and I. We laid our big boy down across his lap on top of a pillow and the hubby secured his flailing arms while I secured his handsome head. Well at least, I tried to. We carefully squirted the Bubble Yum Gum pink looking liquid in between his teeth and cheek and he erupted like a geyser every time. Even with the infamous "blow into his nose" and "pinch his nose," our big boy still spit the liquid out like a batter spits out sunflower seeds. Therefore, he has barely had much of his 1 and 1/4 tablespoons of medicine he's supposed to have twice daily. Wish me luck, because today, this craziness makes my heart hurt for him and truly makes me wanna jump. Send help, puhhhhllllleeeeessseeee (and a glass of wine)!

Mommy Dearest

Colic and the grocery store don't mix. Enough said. <------That was yesterday's Facebook status.......and the following is a reply from a college friend.

"I had (baby name) in the store once and he completely lost his little mind and this older woman came up and put her hand on my shoulder and said "Relax, every mom in here has been through this before. We are looking because we remember and feel for you, not because we're judging you. You're doing a great job." I was so upset and her words totally calmed me and I never let a public outburst bring me down again!"

Boy did that make me feel better about my situation. So I decided to face the rest of the afternoon with colic boy and his big bro at their friend's 1st birthday party. We really enjoyed ourselves and the baby snoozed the entire time. I even had to move the baby into the birthday girl's crib so  big bro wouldn't awaken my sleeping beauty.



Wake up Little Bro!!

Eventually, we made it home and enjoyed a fabulous dinner of bow tie pasta in a homemade marinara sauce that I had cooking all day in the crock pot. Soon it was time to feed the big bambino and as usual,  I took my position on the couch and allowed big bro to help feed him his two ounce supplement of soy formula. Such a good brother, he did as normal, shoved that bottle into his brother's mouth until he shut it down like an office at 5:00 PM on a Friday afternoon. No more formula for Mr. Bambino and a big old belch was given as a prize for a feeding well done. Off the couch hopped Mr. Big Bro with a smile on his face. He approached his dad, who was working hard on the other couch, and proceeded to hold up the baby's bottle with the remaining 1/2 ounce of formula left over. With a mischievous grin and a sparkle in his eye, he did what any daring 19 and a half month old would do....he lifted that bottle to his lips and took a big swig as mommy cheered him on for his courageousness. Then it happened....he was dry heaving and mama was not cheering anymore. Swiftly, with bambino in one arm and a blanket in the other, I launched myself off the couch and put the blanket under Big Bro's chin. His lips quivered and he struggled with the dry heaves momentarily. Then, like a rocket being launched from NASA, his bow ties shot up and out of his little mouth at lightning fast speed. He was so saddened by this and was stunned at what was happening that tears were pooling in his big expressive eyes. I almost cried myself as I held the contents of my own stomach down. One serving of bow ties was certainly enough for the evening. I felt awful for cheering him on, but was glad that I could catch his stomach's contents without loosing my own. Mommy fail yet a mommy victory all in the same. I bet Big Bro will never again drink from his little bro's baby bottle. Poor dude.

Diagnosis Doc

Okay, so yesterday was a great day to get some answers. I truly feel blessed to know that my sarcastic self was jinxed by my first born. He was an easy going child, always had a cheesy grin, and was NOT a spitter. Therefore,when people commented on how great he was and how they loved him so and that I made great babies, I would often joke that "The next kid will have colic and reflux!" Well obviously I'm a f%#@ing psychic because be it as it may, that's exactly what my child has and you can add in sensitive skin as well as a bit of eczema. Yup, I totally brought my kid's conditions on myself with my very own sarcasm. Oy vey (yup I had to look up the proper spelling of that one in the Urban Dictionary). Anywho.....the gigantic twelve and a half pound, butterball, six-week old is now on Zantac twice a day for his reflux. In addition, I bought him something called Colic Calm, which my mommy friends swear by, and finally I'm prescribed a glass of wine a night to deal with all of the above. Wish me luck!!