Another day, no Dollars

My little boys

Today I went into school to see my 5th grade classroom that I've been away from for the past three months. I immediately rearranged the seating chart, furniture, and tidied up areas that were a hot mess. Soon I sat down to figure out the upcoming lesson plans and where we are going curriculum wise. While it felt nice to return to preparation of doing what I love, it was also quite overwhelming. In addition, it was great to feel missed by staff, students, and teachers alike; but my heart hurts for the parting ways of my infant and I. I miss his daily coos and smiles, our staring sessions, and his cute pouty lip. In addition, he turned 13 weeks old today and is 3 months old tomorrow. My toddler is turning 21 months old on Friday. I'm almost morning their babyhoods. It seems like each day slips away like sand through an hour glass. One second I'm speaking nonsense at my children and the next second they are communicating back, running around, and bringing me pure joy. Yes, there are so many days when I am mad at the world, short-fused, and lacking tons of patience because my sleep is deprived, but  I would not change being a mommy to these two beautiful souls for anything else in the world.

Closer to no sleep

I've concluded that I learn new lessons daily on the joys of being a mother. Something I learned recently from my child's daycare is that if you wrap each dirty diaper in a bag-that it will cut down on the smell. There are small, powder-fresh, scented bags that cut down on the wretched smell of poop. If you and your significant other are smart enough to remember to use such bags, they will certainly make the odor in your child's room less rancid. So if you don't have them now, go out and by them by the thousands!!
Between yesterday and today, I've cleaned out my closet. This allowed me to find all the missing pairs to my shoes that had even the slightest heal that I could not wear while pregnant. Those were all hiding under my clothes that I have not been able to fit into for the past two years since conceiving and delivering my chunky monkeys. This left me kinda sad because I had some cute things that I would love to put back on, but sadly they would not fit over my darn muffin top or my rack. So today I had to go out in the midst of a monsoon and get a few shirts to wear to work. I felt better after getting home and realizing that now I can officially match for three whole days at work. Go me!

El Porker Bambino's First Day at School

Mommy and El Porker Bambino

So the world didn't stop, explode, or come to an end today when I took my wee little fellow to school with his older brother. He was calm going in and screaming going out! Actually he was a hot mess when he left today but I can attribute that to him having a bottle warmed and mom talking way too much. See I love the daycare that my children attend. I feel as though all the people that work there are great to talk and vent to and they always ask me all about my day. I can have had a rough day and somehow they make me feel all the much better. They are not only sweet to me, but they truly adore my children.

El Porker checking out one of his teachers

Today I made myself welcome in the infant room with my 15.4 pound porker. He did not shed one tear while I was there. In fact, he hung out, checked out all the ladies, did his thing and was very low key. I gave him 6 ounces of boob juice/soy formula, burped him a ton, and had him interacting with the ladies. It was nice that he was so comfortable and easy going. He even took a nap in his crib after googly eyeing his mobile for a few minutes and fading out to the nature sounds it produced as the animals chased each other in circles.  All-in-all he made me comfortable to leave him in the arms of the lovely ladies that will be giving him his daily dose of sugar.
Now onto a random quote and thought before I go to bed. This evening I was watching Honey Boo Boo and I had to laugh at a line she spewed about her new pet chicken-Nugget. She said "Nugget poops wherever she well pleases and so do I." I have to think that at this age she should be potty trained and not pooping everywhere like my kids who are under two still do. Guhhhhrrrrroooosss!!

When Good Things go Bad

I love baby products as much as the next mommy. They are great to keep the bambino calm, help him grow, and teach him many things. However, I do not like when they break or worse ruin things like my washing machine rim.


The purple washing machine eater

A few weeks ago, I washed my Bright Stars Tummy Mat that I have had since my toddler was an infant. He used to look so cute and little on it. Then came the El Porker Bambino, so I pulled out that same mat and he looked extremely adorable on it too. In fact, they would lay on it together and listen to the attached stuffed bee make fun noises and sing songs to them. It was like a bonding experience. That was until it went into the washing machine in one piece and emerged torn to shreds with it's purple outer edging left all over the rim of my washing machine. Yes that purple shi& ate the outer rim of my washing machine and it is still there to prove it.


The purple washing machine eater
Well you better believe I sent that company a nice email praising the mat that I used to own that very day. Well those jack @sses did not return said email even with the promise of a two business day response. So I gave them two weeks and decided to send them another email with a very negative tone. Guess what....they called me back in like ten minutes. After a conversation where the lady tried to explain to me that the mat was out of its one year warranty period, I got real with her. I explained what my washing machine now looked like and she changed her tune right away. She promised to send me out a new mat and that I should receive it within 5 business days. Well it's been 6 business days and I'm having an internal debate today....should I call like a steroid raging man or use a nicer approach? I WANT MY REPLACEMENT MAT!!!!

Shredded mat

Pay It Forward

I believe you should pay it forward everyday in any little way that you can. One way I like to pay it forward is with advice. So today this will be about my advice to others and things that I've done recently for others that have made me happy as well :)
Today's piece of advice is for new mommies. If you are a new mommy, you get so much unsolicited advice from people who know everything about anything. Well here is what I know that is actually helpful. If you are planning on having a second child ever.....then keep one of each size of diapers. This will help you know if you need to move up a size in diapers before you end up with massive poopslopsions up the @ss crack of your child and his or her clothes. It is much better to be prepared for the inevitable by avoiding this situation altogether, so if the diaper is getting a little snug, don't just try and finish that pack of diapers because you will regret it. Save them for your second monster.
I am thankful for the stranger who answered my Facebook ad for a size 3 diaper. She gave me two different kinds and we had a thirty minute conversation about how certain diapers smell very chemically so you can't tell if your child has taken a poop without the infamous sniff test. Well, personally, I don't like that smell nor do I like the sniff test. Her generosity though has helped me realize that I need to get a bigger size diaper now before my kid and his big butt explodes. Thank you stranger for helping me today!! :)
Another piece of advice is when your child has really horrible smelling dumps, you need to eliminate that odor as best you can. Even if you own an elite diaper container that promises to be the best out there, you will still have smell. To minimize that crap (ha ha no pun intended), try to tie the nasty, dirty, digusting diapers up in scented plastic bags before you shove them in the diaper container or your trashcan.
For my first pay it forward act,  I recently sent candy to a friend whose husband decided to throw out the rest of her Valentine's candy. Cardinal rule for husbands-never throw out anything without our permission. Just because something has been laying around for a long amount of time doesn't mean we don't need it. Chances are, we have just misplaced it and need you to point us in the right direction. After all, some of us are mothers and as a mother, we are busy doing five thousand things at one time. Therefore, help us find our shi@ and do not think you are helping by eliminating our messes.
My next pay it forward has been that I am donating my breast milk to a complete stranger.  My husband told me  I was absolutely not allowed to put out a classified ad on Craigslist because of all the nuts out there, so I found the next best medium....Facebook. Sounds strange, huh? Not really because my milk is like liquid gold. It can get a sick child better and keep another child from getting sick at the same time. It's also something that you can get for free if you keep hydrated and pump, pump, pump it up!! Well this liquid gold is hard for many to produce for various reasons...adoption, stress, lack of supply, etc. I've had no such hardships except that I produce a lot and when I began pumping for my El Porker Bambino, I was eating my favorite things....cheese and yogurt. Those were pretty much my staple foods to snack on. Well even though they were (and still are) my favorite things ever-they are my child's least favorite things (behind the Zantac he takes). See these yummy goodness items make him scream like a banshee. So in an effort to stop the madness,  I've got to get rid of the 78 ounces of breast milk that have been taking over my freezer for the past 2 and 1/2 months. Well what does one do with breast milk that can't be used.....put it on Facebook of course!
So those are my pay it forwards as of late. I can think of many more, but I'm going to go eat my humble pie now. I genuinely hope you can pay it forward too!

Moving out to Move on In

So yesterday I stopped to talk to the ladies in the infant room at the daycare. They are so excited to get my El Porker Bambino next week. In fact, they can not stop talking about how cute he is.....yup he is extremely cute. However, I'm hoping he stays cute to them because he can be quite the feisty one. When you stop feeding him to burp him, he turns into a demon child. He will scream and stand up on your lap and you'd think you tore off a limb. Sometimes when he is not able to get his gas out, he throws himself up into your shoulder like a line backer trying to tackle a player on the opposing team for a ball. The kid is like super human strong!! So with that being said, I had to get everything together for him to move out of my home and into the daycare (at least for the day time hours). Therefor I went shopping and I think I got everything I need for his staycation.....blankets, Mylicone drops for gas, bottle liners for his bottles, formula for supplementing, wipes, diapers, a nasal aspirator, an extra outfit, a crib mobile,a wedge for his reflex, and A & D ointment. The only thing I forgot was the tissues that daycare asks you to provide each month. I guess it will be back to the store I go before Monday so that he has the zillion things he needs to move on in.

Feed me, but it better not be dairy!!!

I got news of a person looking for supplemental breast milk yesterday, so I will be donating the 78 ounces of milk that Mr. Dairy Intolerant himself can not use. Better to donate it then let it go to waste. It was a chore to pump all the milk and it's almost sad to me that my baby can not have it. In reality, he could have it, but then I'd have to leave him at daycare for as long as they allow because he'd be a screaming machine. Even the tiniest bit of dairy causes him so much discomfort and that's just plain wrong to do to him. However, I miss the hel@ out of some cheese and yogurt. All I dream of nightly is pizza!! I've been going through withdrawals lately and can not wait to see how long he can't stomach dairy for. The day that he can function with it, will be a day that I feel as though I've won the lottery. I'll be screaming hallelujah from the rafters for all to hear!!

Living on a Prayer

Each day I am living on a prayer as Bon Jovi sang.  I'm praying that I can get El Porker Bambino to sleep through the night. He must really love his parents a ton because he wants to be up every hour or so to get mommy and daddy cuddles. Well I'm onto him and his antics. He doesn't truly need to see our fabulous faces at 1:00 AM, 2:00 AM, 3:00 AM, 4:00 AM, 5:00 AM, etc. What he needs is some f#$@ing beauty sleep as do I. While I like to carry black bags, I do not like to carry them under my eyes. It is now T minus two weeks till I return to that crazy thing called my job. I'm truly hoping I can function upon returning. A little bit more sleep would definitely help make that transition a more positive one.
On another note, I do not own a scale. I would  become so obsessed with trying to figure out my weight and the weight of my kids that it would probably just break. However, if I was to guesstimate the weight of El Porker Bambino, I'd say every bit of 15 pounds. This kid is so heavy that my back is killing me lately. I guess it is a good thing that I make big kids, but oh my word, they don't have to carry themselves around as I do. It's always cuddle, pick me up and hold me, put me on your lap, yada yada yada-lots of lifting. My arms are starting to get toned like Mike Tysons were before he went nutso and ate an ear.
Lately, my husband has been telling me that I've been extra sweet. I'm starting to wonder if I ever truly was  nice or if there is something that he wants. Usually compliments like that come with requests such as, do you mind if I go out on Friday? I'm just counting down the days till I can see if I win this bet with myself.

SNOW!!!

Wow, what a crazy weekend we had here at the beach. There was the usual marathon scheduled as well as a few mini marathons and Fun Runs....I did none of those as that would be crazy with two kids. However, I did plan to bring my toddler out to see fire engines, police cars, face painters, and a petting zoo on Saturday afternoon after I met with my long-term sub. Well it took longer than expected to find out all about my classroom blowing up with attitudes, lack of medicine, and meaness and how to have her combat that like Rocky before I return. Then as we finished up, the clouds became ominous and black like panthers. As I hopped into my car, I noticed that they were about to open up and open up they did. I drove home through a monsoon like storm only to be stuck inside yet again. It was going to be an afternoon of indoor fun like usual for my poor kiddos. the day went on and we hung out, stuck inside like prisoners to the weather, and made the best of it. Eventually though, it was time to put the kiddos to sleep and relax with the family as our time was coming to an end. Then we looked out to see night fall upon us. With night, came more rain and suddenly large snowflakes. The weather had predicted possible snow flurries with no accumulation. Well that was obviously as incorrect as they come because today I am hiding indoors as it is 27 degrees outside and the snow is still sitting in my yard. I really enjoyed playing in the snow while it was falling and then taking my toddler out to hear the crunch under his feet, but that was about it for me. After 10 minutes of running around like a mad man in a blanket of white, the poor kid was hacking up a lung and it was time to cart his behind inside. He wasn't having it though and threw a tantrum kicking and screaming. I hurdled through that tantrum like a running back taking the ball and being knocked down by big, burly, men running full speed at me. I tossed the kiddo like a football into my arms and ran into my goal-inside where the heat was turned up and the couches were so I could take off my thousands of warm layers. Next time, daddy will have to take him out to see it because simply put, bringing him in is heart-breaking.

Valentine's Day Rocks!

My new ring-it's got chocolate diamonds!! (or so the jeweler says)

So I walked into my bathroom this morning to find exactly what I asked my husband for for Valentine's Day-a chocolate and white diamond ring. I mean, I've popped out two kids in two years, I think I deserve a nice piece of jewelry for doing so! And I didn't even care that it was in the bathroom :)

I wasn't going to get my son anything for Valentine's Day because let's face it, he is almost 21 months old and he will not remember it at all. However, I got all fancy shmansky creative and my mind juices were flowing so he got some little things with awesome sayings. His bubbles say "You blow me away."  He has some more bath toys that are fish and squirt water that say "You are O-fish-ally a great kid." He received another hotwheels car-which he truly does not need, but I couldn't resist that says "I wheelie like you." Next he got a magnetic fishing game that says "You are a great catch." Finally he got Conversation Hearts as well as Sweetarts that say "I really like conversations with you and You are a sweetheart." I'm not even sure I should give the kiddo the candy to eat because he bounces off the wall enough as it is.

Riley's Valentine Gifts

The husband's Valentine gifts

Finally I got my husband a nice basket of gifts that include Animal Crackers that say "Even though life's  circus, I'm glad you are a part of it." Then there are some Swedish Fish that say "You o-fish-ally have my heart." Next are Reese's that say "You stole a piece of my heart." He also got some cashews that say "I'm nuts about you." There's a few more things, but I forget what they are, however, they are all shoved in a cute xoxo pink basket because we all know real men like pink!!
 

He also got a Tervis Tumbler for Coastal Carolina which is his alma matter and it has a few candy bars sticking out of it. I won't even eat his candy because I'm going strong on this dairy free stuff for the past month. This part of the gift is from his two boys.

Needless to say, he got some really crafty crap and I got my well-deserved ring!! Life is good today. Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!!!

What the flock?

I've worked very hard to make a nice basket filled with goodies and fun sayings for my hubby this year. Things such as  "You are o-fish-ally mine, I'm nuts about you, You stole a piece of my heart, I'm stuck on you, It's a joy being married to you, Life would be un-bearable without you." Yes, I'm a nice, sweet, sap like that. The boys also got daddy a nice Tervis Tumbler cup from his Alma Matter with some candy bars and a card. Then today he came home and he mentioned that he was going to go Valentine shopping after work today but was running late. Running late on getting me a gift is my thought? I'm going to be giving him the benefit of the doubt tomorrow and hope that means he is joking and trying to cover something up. Yup, I'm praying that's what he means because honestly, that's a little upsetting to me. I know life is busy with two kids and trying to keep our lives straight with these crazy kiddos, but for his sake, he best be kidding.
In other news, my colicky/refluxy infant today is my science experiment. I gave up dairy a month ago so as to calm him down and make our lives more bearable. He would have horrid episodes of colic where I'd want to jump off of the roof to avoid the loud wails. So I thought my diet needed a change and that would help. Well right after I made that change, he ended up with RSV and in the hospital for a few days. So, I went on with my life and continued the diet upon our release. It's been going pretty well ever since and we honest to goodness have thought we've seen a vast improvement. However, who is to say that he is not being that way because he's past the imaginary "4th trimester" spoken of in the book The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Knapp. Well, Mr. Knapp may have been onto something because today I experimented on his 11 week old @ss. I gave him milk that I had  pumped from when I was still eating dairy. Our day has gone quite well and we've had no crazy colicky incidents that are above and beyond the norm. It's been relatively calm around our household and that leads me to believe that I may be able to go back to eating things that I love like....pizza!!! Yummy!! If I get no gift tomorrow, I'm going out for some red wine and pizza solo!! Let's hope for the husband's sake that I get a gift though because I truly do not want to show him my crazy side with my mother and step-father here.

Row, row, row your laundy room

My maniac toddler

Let's start on a positive note!! This weekend with my children was amazing. We got out of the house and went to the park with all intentions of playing on the playground, swinging on some swings, and sliding on the slides. However, life intervened. When we all arrived, there was yellow "Crime Scene" tape closing off the playground so we choose not to disobey common rules that say do not cross and instead went to play by the beautiful crystal blue lake. We had our loaves of old, moldy, crusty bread and we casually broke it up to feed the ducks that surrounded us. My toddler was enjoying handing chunks to the one lonely duck that hovered near as though he was our dogs which he often rewards treats to. Soon, however, that one lonely duck found a few friends and they too were fighting for the bread with a flock of mean-@ss seagulls. The gulls were attacking the bread, the ducks, and I feared they would soon be attacking us with poop. So soon enough, we choose to move onto other activities.

Colic boy

We wandred aimlessly we around a beautiful grassy field and began blowing bubbles. This was obviously not very exciting for our toddler because he began to run off after the seagulls. He found joy chasing them all around the field and we laughed like hyenas as he could not catch them because he was not fast enough. This was utter joy to a 20 month old child. Eventually my other kiddo, the little colic boy began his screaming so I had to swoop him up into the Ergo and walk him around the park to calm him down. It was an utter achievement that he calmed and fell asleep against mommy's chest while his big brother ran around like a maniac.
Then today was Monday again and the rains came in with a vengence. The skies were gray and sad all day so I decided today we'd spend the day relaxing on the couch and perhaps watch a movie after the dishes were done, the floors were swept, and the laundry cleaned. Well we made it as far as the dishes and the laundry when all of a sudden it felt as though fish could swim through the back room. Literally there was a river flowing from the washing machine to the garage and then from the washing machine to the back exit door in our bathroom. Yup, the washing machine decided to explode. It exploded everywhere so I called my hubby in a panic. He told me to use the wet vac to get the water up and then use the towels to wipe the rest of the water away. I did as I was told and then tried to use the drain and spin cycle......to no avail. Once again the kingdom was flooded. Yup, I had to clean for a second time in one day. UGGGGGG! Nothing I hate more than cleaning the floors. Eventually, all was cleaned, the water left in the washing machine, and a call to GE placed so they can bless us tomorrow for a hundred dollar visit and tell me nothing is wrong. Yup, that's what happened the last time they came out for the exact same flooding issue. So tomorrow, I will sit and wait for the four hour time period they gave me for our visit and see what the hell they've got to say about the tsunami that occured today. Can we say that I'm not looking forward to spending four hours waiting for a service technician's beck and call. Perhaps I'll let my colic child bless him with his louder than life lungs while he attempts to solve the exploding washing machine issue. Uggggg....... Then later on in the day I've got a two hour window that I must wait for a carpet cleaning service to come on over and clean up any damage that the flowing water may have caused in our downstairs room. It's going to be a fun time!!

The washing machine explosion

Gray Day

Today I'm feeling rather like the weather....very drab, gray, and ready to drop some water. To put it in a nutshell, I'm a bit tired and down. I feel very unappreciated, but I am sure this is all in my mind. My house would not function without me. My children would not eat without me. My husband would not have anytime to do nothing without me. That's right, I know that I am needed, just not always appreciated though. That's okay, I don't fight a hand for a hand. I'm not one to hold grudges. I like to kill with kindness because you get more with honey than you do with lemons. In fact, I found someone willing to help me and watch my students at lunch two days a week when I return so I can pump. I also found another person willing to teach writing and yet another willing to teach science for me so I can pump. Needless to say, I am so ecstatic that I have three seperate people who are willing to make my life a little easier when I return to school. I'm already worried about my supply taking a nose dive as I will be going at the least 6 1/2 hours in between feeding and pumping, but I will manage. I will manage because I have to. My child depends on me and only I can provide him with what he needs. His dad can not, his brother can not, his furry brother and sister also can not. It's a job that only belongs to one....this mama.

De Quervain's Tenosunovitis

De Quervain's Tenosunovitis is the name of the pain I've my experienced for over a year. I began having this sharp pain in my left wrist when my toddler was about 8 months old. His chubbiness did not help and bearing his weight has been a bit painful. Then all of a sudden, bam.....I'm preggers again and there was no more me time to figure out the root of the problem. So I've sucked this up for so long. Well this week, the pain has become just about unmanageable. It was time for a change so off to the hand doctor I went. It took him 30 seconds to diagnose me with this inflammation in the tendon and provide me with a nonsurgical treatment...an excruciatingly painful needle straight into my tendon. I felt the flow of bad words protruding from my mouth as I wiggled in pain. The doctor even asked me if I was going to be okay. Sure, easy question as you are the one administering the awful needle. Then it was over. Hopefully the steroid shot helps the pain subside, but it will hurt worse before it improves. If there is no improvement in a few weeks, then surgery will be the answer. However, this mommy doesn't get time off of mommyhood, so I'm wondering how I can possibly diaper a child with just one hand? Hmmmmmm......can mommies have days off if their limbs don't function?
In other news, my toddler threw a tsunami size tantrum this morning. He woke up happy and I got him ready for his day. Then we sat down at the table with a poptart and a banana for him and toast with non-dairy butter for me. He decided to invade my toast and helped himself to half a slice. After breakfast, our happy times can to a quick halt. As I got his shoes onto his feet, he exploded in a ball of sadness. The tears were shed and he was obviously heart-broken as he went to the back window to look for his daddy. His daddy though had to get to the office early this morning to retrieve his phone. So I picked him up in a big bear hold and carted him off to daycare. He screamed the entire time and continued wailing as we entered his classroom. The children of the corn then proceeded to bring him lots of fun toys....a phone, a truck, a purse......He wasn't interested. His loving teacher had to pry him from my arms and believe me he was attached with imaginary superglue. Then off I went to get my fun diagnosis.
Now I'm sitting here, missing my baby. Another thing that is missing in this household is my dog's friends below his belt. Yesterday he was neutered. I know ten years of an attachment to anything is hard to break apart. Well he is no longer attached to his sack. They are shriveled or so that's what I think as his skin hangs loosely under his butt. Maybe now though, we won't have to tell him not to lick as it just isn't a very attractive trait to have. Although, I'm  sure most men would be jealous of the dog's ability to reach down below........................

Banks when he still had his little friends down below

Getting Sh#$ Done

So I'm feeling quite productive today. I just created what felt like a thousand Valentine's Day cards for my toddler's classmates at daycare...only to find out that there is only 4 girls and 5 boys. Well hel@ I thought there were like a million of them as when I walk in each day, it's like children of the corn attacking me. It's true, they swarm like the locusts in the good old movie The Exorcist. In fact, I often find myself cringing as they touch me because he always comes home with some lovely cooties to share with the family. Who said kids don't share?
Well I got my lovely Valentine's Day ideas over Pinterest so I did not spend my day stalking people on Facebook. I found some lovely templates for both the boys and the girls. His little friends that are boys are getting ones that have a bug attached and say "Happy Valentine's Day Love Bug," and the little girls are getting ones that have Sweetarts and Sweethearts that say "You make my heart dance Gangham Style." I love how corny I've become as I've been blessed in mommyhood. I do, however, have to say that I had lots of fun trying to figure out which ones to make. I always remember getting crappy Valentine's cards that my friends bought at the store with things like Hello Kitty, Kermit the Frog, New Kids on the Block (yes I'm that old) on them and what did I do with them? Well I threw those dumb Valentines in the trashcan because who needs a thousand pieces of paper when you aren't old enough to use a lighter and fluid to start a bonfire?

Valentine's Crafts-Happy Valentine's Day Love Bug and You make my heart dance Gangham Style
 

Call me Janet Jackson!

Yes, that is a heart covering up my exposed boob. I was getting a few cute pictures with my son in before we ventured out to celebrate my thirty-third birthday without the kiddos and he decided he liked my shirt. He liked it so much, he pulled it down. Got to love my toddler. In fact, he can also identify what was under the said shirt. That's right, the word of the week is....boob. My husband has repeatedly told me that I should be referring to them as breasts not boobs, but they are exposed a lot as I am breast-feeding and pumping constantly to fatten up my baby. When they are out, "No, no, don't touch mommy's boob," sounds so much better than "No, no don't touch mommy's breast." Breast just sounds a bit to snobby for me to say to a little boy. So there you have it, our wonderful vocabulary is now expanding. I wonder which fun words he will pick up next.